My Share:

When I read this I immediately think of the phrase that "we do not judge".  As a co-dependent I am certainly guilty of judging.  And I had often, and still sometimes find my self judging, find myself obsessing about "negative traits in others".  But who am I to judge?  Who am I to decide if the trait is negative.  What doesn't work in one situation, might be the perfect cure for another.  When we learn basic first aid; our first lesson is "stop the bleeding".  Aha, but when we have a snake bite or some foreign object in us; the advice changes - "draw it out, let it bleed".   So in life what works for me might not work for everyone; so I can't judge others for their actions.

Reading this again; I realize that those negative qualities that I obsess on in others could very well be the same qualities everyone sees in me.  That's a sobering thought; but it does make sense.  I haven't applied it to myself; but I have an example from a conversation with my child.  An organized group he belongs to recently had an influx of younger children.  The older children are supposed to mentor and teach.  My child has been assigned to coach someone who I think is very much like him in intelligence and mannerisms.  I thought it would be a good match.   My child always tells me how his mentoree is so "very annoying" and he would rather work with someone else.  I laugh it off and tell him to have patience because "You were once just like that"  "I was not", he says.

Now when I find a person to be annoying; I will analyze why and try to discover if others would find me annoying for the same reasons.  Then I'll make a plan to improve my behavior.  I did not realize that I had a mirror of my bad traits in everyone I meet.

Thanks for listening.  I'm grateful for CoDA.