I recently stated seeing someone....I find its not expectations I am struggling with but hopes. I hope certain things will happen but they may or may not. I guess that is the nature of all dealings with others hopes/expectations about what he other persons behavior will be like. I am also -so far- accepting f he way things are going. I have been living alone for 4.5 years and except for a brief period of long distance with an ex a couple of yeas ago I haven't been with anyone. I haven't even been attracted to any one in the last couple of years. Clearly I am able to take are of myself and don't "need" a relationship but due to my past behavior I am scared. Scared of jumping in too fast, being rejected, or being cheated on. The main problem is he is actively using drugs.....I have a hope that he will get clean again but not an expectation. Due to my choice of who to date I wonder if I have grown at all, and why I would find someone with his lifestyle attractive. I know what its like to live with a using addict and it was what got me to coda and alanon.
I shared something similar on another board and was on the receiving end of what I should/needed to do. When I replied that we aren't here to give advice/tell others what to do I was was on the receiving end of yet another round of advice as well as being told I have a resentment and need to get over it. It was a longtime member that said it and he result has been I haven't been posting because it doesn't feel like a safe to do so. I guess you could say i have an expectation that I will receive support when people share their experiences not attempt to manage my behavior.
Thanks for sharing nannyg,
Some things you wrote, made me feel better about staying single and not trying so hard to make a relationship happen. I know I would move to fast into a relationship if the right situation presented itself. I do fine living on my own as well, and as a outsider looking at my friends relationships, I see all the drama and stress they have. I feel less excited to search so hard on Match to find that wonderful woman for me.
After several relationship failures. my expectations bar is set on low. Maybe it's a "premeditated resentment".
Or maybe it's because that the hand life has dealt me, for me to learn how to live without a beautiful woman in my life.
That I can survive and strive without anyone. My past relationships have all been the old ball and chain set up's. Always playing the bread winner in the household.
LOL Just thinking. I could be retire by now, if I didn't get into some of the relationships I was in. One more reason for me to stay single now. I want to retire by the age of 62.